Part 4, Desire and Fear

What really drives us?

Web of Desire …

The modern world can be considered one big game. People work 8 to 12 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week and for that they get to buy a house. The payments take a huge chunk of the monthly paycheck. Then there is the car, insurance, kids, the vacation trip, and much more. The whole thing is a web of desire, and people are caught up in it. Whatever you think is your security blanket or the thing you must have comes attached with this entire web. It is impossible to grab a little piece of it without having to grab the whole web. You want to be clear about this in the beginning.

When you start cultivating, the reality of this web will begin to reveal itself. You may discover that you are just trying to get by everyday, putting on airs for everyone. You may discover that you are actually not doing fine but are in fact confused, desire-laden, fearful, and lonely. When this happens you might want to cover it up again and stop the practice, but this is just returning to a deluded state. Rather, if you can be patient and work through the foundation of your identity and self, then you really gain some freedom and clarity. Otherwise, you will continue to be lost.

Gradations of Desire…

As a teacher, I often tell my students there are two ways to get fabulously wealthy. One way is to earn a lot of money. But, for that, you will have to work really, really hard. And even then you still may not succeed.

The other way to become wealthy is to lessen your desire. If you can lessen your desire to zero, then you are absolutely, fabulously, enlightened wealthy. Wealth is the ability to buy the things you want. If you do not have any material desires, then you are already ahead of the game.

Obviously, to get from where we currently are to zero desire takes time. There are gradations. In fact, there is an algebraic formula that applies to everyone in this world—I have this much, I want that, it will cost this much, for which I have to work this much and sacrifice this much free time, and so on. This calculation is yet another way of looking at karma. The degree to which our cultivation can bring down our desire is the degree to which we have to be engaged in the web. Our desires are the karmic structures in which we are confined, and our cultivation provides a means of freeing ourselves from them.

How to Detach Yourself from the Web …

The consequences of every one of your little actions everyday are called your life. When you cultivate you get to open up a little space where you have more wisdom and patience. You can use that patience to look carefully at what you are doing and, hopefully, choose a different future for yourself than the one that is already in motion.

CTTB is an interesting place to witness these dynamics in action. People who live or work here have limited desires and lead a spartan or austere life. They have simple jobs, a place to live, and their basic needs are met. If you compare this place to the outside world of 6 or 7 billion people, however, more than 4 billion would think they are fabulously rich to be here. As tough as you may think life at CTTB is, there are 4 billion people in this world who would gladly live here and think they were wealthy. Within the context of the larger world the lifestyle here is not even spartan. By your own standards, if you can lessen your desires enough to be able to live here, then you have freed yourself tremendously from the entire dynamics of the world outside. That is a great amount of freedom that you could gain that you would otherwise not recognize.

If, however, you decide to go out and try to touch a bit of the outside world—for example, buying a small house—you will be caught in the entire web. If you are aware of this trade-off and still choose to get into whatever it is that you are getting into, then you should not have any complaints. This is ultimately what wisdom is—the ability to understand the cause and effect of your actions and desires, and seeing through something enough to either decide not to do it, or if you choose to, then to take full and complete responsibility for the outcome. This is not about being a good or bad person. This is just the reality of your life. You do not have any other choice but to live out the life you create for yourself.

Fear and desire go hand in hand …

The fundamental structure of your ego and self is based on both your fears and desires. If you reflect deeply on your actions, you will find that every action you take that is not enlightened is taken from either a source of fear or desire. For many people in the modern society, fear is the more prevalent problem—they are driven by it, and their fear structure is manifested in their personality and daily actions.

Are fears legitimate?

From the perspective of the cultivated mind, there are no legitimate fears. From the essence of your true nature, fears have no foundation and are simply the creation of the causes and conditions that you have placed on yourself. For example, your fears for the safety of your loved ones are conditional upon your love for them and the fact that you have attached them to a certain part of your identity. Another case in point—your fears of insecurity may have arisen from some pre-conceived notions you had of the kind of house you need to have in order to protect yourself or to feel comfortable.

Layers of fear …

The fear structure is also multi-layered. If you reflect on every fear you have had you will find that it is attached to another level. For example, your fear of slacking off at work has its roots in your fear of losing your job, which in turn has its roots in your fear of insecurity, which in turn has its roots in your pre-conceived notions of the house you need to buy, and so on. Your fears are all rooted in their relationships to the layers of causes and conditions you have created in the past. Fears are not real; they are just the murky covering on top of these causes and conditions.

Transcending fear …

The practice of Buddhism is as much about transcending fear as it is about transcending desire. You will never have complete freedom until you have rooted out your fears. Fear only has power if you act or react. If a state moves you to a thought, action, or emotion, then it has a power over you.

In the face of fear, patience is your primary defense. When you are cultivating and fear arises, let it arise and patiently wait for it to pass, by not acting in mind, emotion, or thought. Do not repress it. If you repress your fears and are not willing to face them, they will continue to fester and will sneak up on you again during the next vulnerable moment. You will become so tight that you will not have any compassion. Instead, learn to look your fears in the eye and eventually see that they are empty. To do that, you will have to develop a meditative state of peace and quiet stillness that becomes the core of who you are—not just when sitting but in all aspects of your life.

This is why there is no way around cultivation. It is important to first develop the base from which you can see that your fears are empty, rather than say or speculate that they are empty. If you say that they are empty intellectually for your whole life, you will not get rid of them. If you do not cultivate, you will be forever wrapped in them. There will be no freedom from your karma since your fears are operating on such a basic level that your future will just continue to be driven by them.